What is Self-Esteem ?


Let me start off 2019 by looking back over thousands of client sessions which I have facilitated and look at what they all have in common – LOW SELF ESTEEM.  In fact, let us look at what Self Esteem really is.

A definition may be “It refers to an individual’s sense of his or her value or worth, or the extent to which a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991).”  This may well be a good definition but how this plays out in our adult lives, takes it to a whole new level.

For many clients I have seen the “Pleasing Behaviors” which is exhausting and wears them out and basically live a lot of their lives suffering from DMS (Door Mat Syndrome) to those clients who continually beat themselves up by living up to their identity of “Not Being Good Enough”.   All in all, we live what we believe we are – the BS in our heads.  Some say Belief Systems, some say thoughts but I call it the Bull Shit voices that control us.

Self esteem is formed as young as 4 years old and it is how we view ourselves from the outside world and socialization.  The confident, loving child will easily express him/herself and feel safe in doing so.  In turn it does not matter what others think.  Whereas the non so confident child, feels not so good at saying how they feel or what they want, it will matter what others think and say of them.  This actually plays out in our adults lives, living in fear of  judgement.    The fear of what others think of them.

Many of us live in fear of being judged.  What would people really think of me as I am not as educated as,  not as pretty as,  not as slim as and certainly not as smart as.   The mask gets pretty thick and we survive out of fight or flight.

How nice would it be to clear the conflict in our heads and live with confidence, high self esteem and assertiveness in reaching anything we want.    If you want to live your worth in love, career, health and happiness, then I would suggest investing in yourself and being the best of you for you – you never know what opportunities are around waiting to come to you when you are coming from a confident open heart and clear mind.

In my world, everyone deserves to live their own healthy presence in the NOW and not live their story from the past. Let it be your time to live your best “Healthy Selfish Self” and I would be delighted to facilitate your journey if you feel the fit is right.


All the best for 2019











02 Aug 2019


  What does infidelity mean to you ?    It may mean your partner has had a sexual affair, a one night stand or more.  Having worked with many couples facilitating  their process of moving on from the infidelity, an affair does not always involve having a sexual relationship. Infidelity is unfaithfulness in a marriage/committed relationship.  Whether it be an emotional affair, whereby your husband/wife has had a close relationship with someone outside the marriage.  Someone they feel connected to; alive with; desired by and more.  This connection has them feeling…

16 Feb 2019

Emotions Are Everything

  I work with many clients that feel they are emotionally blocked and come to see me as it is affecting their lives in many ways.  Many are very successful in their business or career, yet in their intimate relationships, they have issues, problems. No matter how hard they work and achieve, the one thing they struggle with is allowing themselves to get close to someone.  To love and be loved; To touch and fully be in the moment; To allow themselves to crave and have what they truly want,…

11 Feb 2019

Have you Suffered Enough ?

Having worked with thousands of clients, I have dealt with many issues, habits and symptoms and believe it or not, some people will keep suffering and hold onto their issue/problem/habit.  So much so, they look on me being the facilitator as the enemy, the one who is calling them out.   The question I ask myself, and my client, is "What are you getting out of having this behavior/issue/symptom ?" This is known in my world as the secondary gain or negative payoff in having their problem.  For many it…