Dear Debbie: Marital Problems

1marital-problemsDear Debbie,

My husband is very rude to me and I do not know what to do.  I love him and do not want to leave him.  I started addressing this with him and he does not speak with me.   I went on vacation with a friend and stayed longer than I should have.  He is not speaking with me and has asked me to move out and go back to my friend on vacation.  I now feel that this is doing nothing to me and I do not care.  I am waiting for him to calm down and things will go back to normal.  Normal is my husband ignoring me and each of us do our own things yet living in the same house.  Advice please?

Thank you for reaching out.  Normalcy to you is you and he living under the same roof yet your husband’s behavior is abusive.  You allow yourself to be treated this way.  We all have the right not to be subjected to negativity and we all have a voice, yet you choose to allow yourself to be treated this way?  I would have you ask yourself, “What am I gaining from this way of living?  What am I gaining from allowing myself to be treated this way?” This will reveal your secondary gain.  You already have the answer inside you. The hypnotherapeutic process can only help guide you to finding the answer.

In my professional experience its the fear of being alone, feeling empty inside, or the fear of failing that constitutes many of the factors  keeping clients in an unhealthy relationship.

It is ironic, yet this inharmonious situation makes you feel safe !

It appears also that your husband has emotional triggers. Your not coming home when expected has triggered his own insecurities.  So the angry child inside your husband  has thrown his rattle out of his crib!  You in turn have become more and more immune to his behavior and your protection wall has come up so you’re saying, “I don’t care”.  The hurt child within your husband wants to hurt you because he thinks it will make him feel better. You love your husband and he has feelings for you or he would not have responded the way he has, he might not have noticed at all.  Communication here is the key.  I suggest you sit down with him with no distractions, no television, no cell phones, only each other, and talk to each other from your heart, not your head. You both want to be heard.  You both want to be recognized! If you both can honestly express your feelings and needs here, you may find you are quickly on the road to not only mending the road between you, but improving your relationship.

Thanks for asking and I hope this helps!

Sincerely,

Debbie Dubickas CHt
Effective, Affordable Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy
Serving Tampa, FL Since 2012

 

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Note:
Debbie Dubickas does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. In the event you use any of the information in this column for yourself, neither Debbie Dubickas, nor any contributors to this website accepts responsibility for your actions.

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